


to hold

by howevernot



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Dom/sub Undertones, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Explicit Consent, M/M, Oral Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Sex, Trans Male Castiel (Supernatural), make no mistake this is fucking, some relationship negotiation, very light on the college tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:00:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29987373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howevernot/pseuds/howevernot
Summary: It's all slow and easy and domestic. Dean never thought he would see a day in his life like this. He thinks if John could see him now, chopping carrots in the kitchen, preparing a stew for his lover, he'd probably lay into Dean for going soft.But Dean is soft he thinks as he looks in on Cas, curled on his side, hands tucked underneath his chin, shoulders rising and falling slowly in sleep.Or:Dean and Cas are domestic and in love and incredibly horny about it.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 67





	to hold

**Author's Note:**

  * For [desperately_human](https://archiveofourown.org/users/desperately_human/gifts).



> This work features penis-in-vagina sex with a transman. If that's not your thing or that's gonna make you dysphoric, I recommend you don't read this!
> 
> Thank u desperately-human for encouraging me to finish this! I hope u enjoy!

"Can I eat you out?"

Cas looks up from his book, tilts his head, squints a little and stares at him. Were it anyone else, Dean would squirm under the scrutiny.

"Right now?" Cas's voice is rough with disuse.

"That's what I was thinking." It’s mid afternoon in their shitty little downtown apartment. Cas has been dutifully studying but Dean’s been thinking about getting his mouth on Cas since this morning, when they laid in bed and kissed lazily for an hour.

"No. Not right now," Cas answers simply.

Dean tries not to let it sting. They'd had long conversations when they first started fucking, about how pushy Dean could be sometimes, about how he wilted when Cas turned him down and wrongly assumed any tiny rejection meant he was unwanted entirely. Dean's not an idiot. He knows he throws his body at people because it's the only way he knew how to feel good and worthy for most of his life. He’s working on it.

Cas, on the other hand, isn't nearly as horny as Dean. He doesn’t always know when he wants to fuck or when he just wants to kiss or when he wants to cuddle. Dean's learned to enter every encounter with an open mind. Sometimes they kiss and kiss until Dean thinks Cas is going to swallow him whole, until Dean is dizzy and hungry for Cas and muttering “Please, Cas, please,” as Cas sucks hickeys into his throat and sometimes Cas pulls away and says, “I don’t want sex just, let me—”

Dean gets a lot of handjobs, a lot of blowjobs, he fucks Cas's thighs. Cas kisses him while he jerks off under his watchful gaze. Cas talks him through fingering himself, through fucking himself with any one of their dildos. Sometimes Cas strokes his cock lazily while he watches Dean, sometimes he just watches and tells Dean he’s good, or a slut, or beautiful or a bit of all of them. He's never been in a relationship with this much variety before.

But Dean’s also gotten better at feeling like his worth is stored in things other than his dick. So, he takes a deep breath through the sting of rejection, and says with a smile that's not a lie, "Maybe later?"

"I think so," Cas says, then opens his arm in invitation. Dean settles next to him on the couch. Cas shifts around so he's got his legs flung over Dean's lap and Dean holds onto his ankle, brushing his thumb against the bone there.

This is new too. Dean's used to thinking he needs to fuck to be close to someone. He wasted so long thinking the only touch he was allowed to have was the kind that led to orgasm. But Cas is all over him all the time, cuddling while they study, running a hand across his back as they pass in the kitchen, hip checking him in the bathroom, washing his hair in the shower. Cas teaches him that actually, sometimes he doesn't even want sex, just someone to hold him.

Curled up with Cas on the couch Dean takes a break from the work he hasn’t been doing to fuck around on his phone a bit. He texts Charlie, texts Sam, who’s in California and blocks Dean’s number and unblocks him again at least once a week. Eventually, he retrieves his laptop and starts researching for that project that's due next week. Cas is warm and heavy over his legs.

Cas starts to sag into him after another hour of reading. Dean looks over to find he's blinking sleepily at the book he's got in his lap.

"C'mon, you should take a nap," Dean urges. 

He gets Cas up, and pokes him toward the bedroom. Then leaves him to start dinner.

It's all slow and easy and domestic. Dean never thought he would see a day in his life like this. He thinks if John could see him now, chopping carrots in the kitchen, preparing a stew for his lover, he'd probably lay into Dean for going soft.

But Dean is soft he thinks as he looks in on Cas, curled on his side, hands tucked underneath his chin, shoulders rising and falling slowly in sleep.

\---

They don't fuck that day. Cas is slow and sleepy from his nap. They watch Prince of Egypt while eating stew instead, because Cas was raised under a fucking rock and never really got to watch movies before moving in with Dean and because Dean will never admit it but Prince of Egypt was his favorite movie growing up.

This, of course, ends with Cas rambling about the old English poem Exodus and the strange inclusion of the story of Noah's ark in that poem, and the nature of incomplete texts, missing contexts, and nature of changing textual interpretations over time. He's talking about the intricacies of new historicism and fuck, Dean's a simple engeneering major. He doesn't know jack shit about literary analysis and even less about biblical analysis but he knows he loves the way Cas's eyes light up when he talks. So he listens, asks questions where he can, even when he starts to get a little tired of it, because he's never tired of Cas, only of the minutiae of old English poetry.

\---

In the morning though, after they've both had coffee and breakfast and have gone back to bed for a lazy lay about, Cas brings it up again.

"Do you still want to eat me out?" 

Dean, who was reading over an assignment on Canvas blinks, trying to re-calibrate.

"Yeah, I think I do."

"Let me know if you change your mind," is all the warning Dean gets before Cas straddles him, takes his face between his hands, and fuck his hands are so big, and kisses him.

It's not hot or even really passionate yet. Just simple and sweet. Cas saying hello to Dean with his lips, but then Dean slips his tongue out and Cas sighs against him and before long Cas is nipping at his lips making Dean whine out embarrassing little noises.

"This was," Cas bites down on his neck, making Dean buck and groan, "This was supposed to be about getting you off," Dean mutters.

It's almost always like this, Cas taking control, pushing him around, turning him on, leaving him dazed. Dean loves it.

"I want to make you hungry for it first," Cas tells him.

Dean pushes Cas back onto the bed, leans over him, and kisses him hard. Cas totally ruins it by smiling into the kiss. Dean has to pull away. He smiles back at Cas, and really, when was the last time, before Cas, that Dean had to stop kissing someone to smile.

"Shirt on or off?" Dean asks, because Cas isn't always comfortable totally naked.

"On," he answers but tugs it up and Dean kisses him, kisses his chest, his stomach, his hip bones, he brushes his fingers over Cas's sides and Cas jumps like he's been shocked. Dean's never been with someone so sensitive before.

"Take these off," he tugs at Cas's pajama pants—they have bees on them—and his boxers.

He takes them off, almost knees Dean in the face in the process and then they're laughing again, fumbling and smiling and Dean loves him. Loves him so much he might burst with it.

"Fuck, I need you," he gasps against Cas's lips and Cas opens his legs invitingly.

Dean settles between them. Kisses the tender skin of Cas's thighs, the sensitive skin at the place where leg meets pelvis. He breathes Cas in and Cas squirms when Dean sighs against him.

He teases Cas, lapping at his cock, getting him wet, listening to Cas sigh and feeling him wriggle with impatience. He licks over Cas’s lips, teases his cock but then Cas grips his hair and says, “You promised me a blowjob.”

Dean obliges; he seals his mouth over Cas's cock and sucks. Cas makes an inarticulate sound, surprise and need, and tugs at Dean’s hair hard. Dean hums, pleased.

Cas is beautiful like this, groaning and gasping in turn. Dean works him up until Cas is grinding against his face, holding his head in place, riding his face just the way Dean likes. 

He pulls away after a bit, lips buzzing. He kisses the base of Cas's dick then his thighs again.

"Can I finger you?" he asks, resting his chin against Cas’s thigh.

Cas is flushed, a little sweaty, mouth hanging open in pleasure still and Dean feels such pride. He did that.

"Yes, just—"

A moment later, as Dean kisses over his belly, Cas hands him lube and a condom.

"Where did you even get these?" Dean doesn’t remember Cas grabbing either from where they keep the supplies at the head of the bed.

Cas just gives him a grin and pulls him up for a searing kiss.

Once Dean has the condom and lube ready, he circles Cas's hole. Cas inhales sharply above him so Dean laps at his cock. Cas gasps when Dean slips a finger inside. He gives him a moment to adjust, licking at his cock as he relaxes. Dean pumps his finger slowly in and out. Eventually, Cas starts letting out shuddery little noises of pleasure that just make Dean work harder to make him come, eager for Cas to fall apart, eager to be good for him.

“Just like that. Give me another finger,” Cas sighs and Dean makes sure to fuck him steadily like that, fingers angled just so to make Cas fall apart.

Cas is gasping, moaning. Dean wraps his free arm around Cas’s hip and rests his free hand against Cas’s stomach, enjoying the way it flexes and tenses under Dean’s hand as Cas writhes under him. 

“Dean, Dean,” Cas is groaning out. Dean answers by speeding up, sucking harder as Cas slips closer to orgasm under him.

He's taken by surprise when Cas clenches down on his fingers, crying out, gripping Dean's hair in a vice. It's bliss for Dean, caught here in Cas's pleasure, held in place by the force of his orgasm. 

Dean keeps working Cas through his orgasm then keeps sucking softly at Cas's dick after until Cas makes an uncomfortable little noise. He pulls away, draws his fingers out and kisses Cas’s heaving stomach, his sternum, his cheek, then his lips. 

"Fuck," Cas breathes against him, shuddering, holding him fast with an arm around his waist.

"Hang on." Dean untangles himself for a moment to discard the condom and grab a pillow for them. When he turns back, Cas is on him, tucking his sweaty face into Dean’s neck. Dean strokes down his back with his non-lubey hand.

"Thank you, Dean," Cas says after a moment. He punctuates it with a kiss to his throat.

Dean kisses the top of his head. They lay like that as Cas catches his breath. Cas traces idle patterns over Dean’s chest, his stomach, touches his half-hard dick through his pajama pants in a lazy kind of way.

“Take your pants off,” Cas tells him after he's recovered. 

Dean scrambles to get out of them.

When he’s naked, Cas straddles his lap. Dean’s not fully hard, too focused on Cas’s pleasure to think of himself but Cas kisses him, dirty and wet and plundering, and Dean’s still got Cas’s slick on his face and the taste of Cas’s cock on his tongue and it doesn’t take much to get him moaning into Cas’s mouth. Cas bites down on his neck, pinches his nipples hard and a little mean, the way Dean likes.

He grinds against Dean, wet from Dean’s mouth and his own slick; Dean grunts, rutting up against him.

“This ok?” Cas asks, scratching nails down his chest, making Dean arch when Cas’s nail catches a nipple.

“Yeah, yeah, Cas it’s good.”

“Do you want to me to fuck you?” he asks, grinding their cocks together.

“Please,” Dean answers, hands on Cas’s hips, pulling him closer.

Cas’s eyes gleam and he smiles, sweet and a little diabolical. He grabs the lube again, slicks Dean up, and wipes his hand on the sheet, making Dean wince. Dean’s ready for Cas to slide down on him but Cas only lets his cock slip inside a bit before drawing back and grinding their cocks together.

“C’mon Cas,” Dean groans, pulling at his hips.

Cas grabs his hands and pins them down by the wrist with one hand. “Hold still,” he orders and Dean, like the idiot he is, answers, “Or what?”

Cas stills above him. 

“Or I’ll get the vibrating plug and make you wear it while I edge you until you cry,” he says and it’s not an idle threat. He’s done it before and Dean had actually cried.

“Fuck ok, ok,” Dean answers, working not to grind up against Cas.

Cas smiles. He only teases Dean for a minute longer before he sinks down, taking all of Dean’s cock in one move. He stays there for a moment holding Dean inside, and Dean can feel his muscles fluttering. He’s probably so sensitive it’s unbearable.

He sighs when he starts rocking against Dean and Dean sucks in a deep breath, working to stay still. Cas fucks him like that, unbearably slow and measured, hot and tight and designed to make Dean lose his mind. He wants to grab Cas’s hips and tug him into a more satisfying rhythm. But this is worth it, in its own way, his head spins a little with how hungry he is for it, how hard he is from the denial, how good it will feel when Cas starts fucking him properly.

“You can move your hips but be good for me and leave your hands there,” he finally tells Dean as he lets go of Dean’s wrists. Dean would do anything to be good for Cas.

“Fuck!” Dean groans out when Cas runs his nails down Dean’s chest again. He grabs onto the sheets and fucks up into Cas hard and fast until Cas is letting out little breathy moans. Cas braces himself against Dean’s chest and starts to fuck back on him with abandon, his thighs—fuck, his thighs, Dean wants to touch them—working as he fucks Dean hard.

He’s letting out a litany of curses interspersed with Dean’s name and Dean’s struck dumb by it, by Cas, beautiful and flushed above him, by Cas pinning him down and taking pleasure from him, by Cas’s hole squeezing around Dean.

Dean comes first, arching, bucking up into Cas hard, making Cas cry out and lose his balance. Cas comes only a second after Dean, clamping down around Dean as he comes, groaning and collapsing against Dean’s chest. 

Dean moves his arms finally, to hold Cas against him as they recover. He sneaks his hands up the back of Cas’s shirt and holds him close, feeling his ribs expand under his hands. 

Dean lays there for a moment, heart racing, fucked out. That was better than anything he could have imagined this morning. Cas rubs his hands over Dean’s chest soothingly before pulling off with a wince. Dean laughs a little at him. Of the two of them, Dean much prefers to be left dripping. Cas just finds the sensation annoying.

Cas kisses his forehead before he ambles away. Dean shuffles out of the wet spot.

Cas returns a moment later, stands over the bed looking at Dean. Dean always feels so fucking vulnerable like this, red and sweaty, cock wet and soft, belly sticking out, naked and without the defense of another body against his. Cas just smiles and lets the damp towel thump against his chest. Dean squawks and Cas laughs as he settles down, this time the right away around.

“Come down here,” Dean whines at him.

“No,” Cas says but he looks fond.

Dean huffs but once he's done cleaning himself up and tossing the damp towel at the chair he shuffles up to the head of the bed and into Cas’s arms.

“Thank you, Cas,” he sighs against Cas’s shirt.

Cas hums and rubs a hand along his back, before his arm falls away. When Dean looks up, he’s already asleep. Dean settles in close.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos are much cherished!


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